DON’T wear that old grandpa or grandma perfume that you refuse to throw away in fear of being labeled a horrible grandchild who throws away heartfelt gifts. Also, no Axe. We know that those commercials make Chocolate Axe seem like you’ll get the ladies, but in all seriousness, the only thing you’re going to get is my gag reflex.
DO wear those samples that all girlie magazines have in them that you secretly keep hidden away in your closet to smell on a sad, rainy day when your Chocolate Axe fails you. We know Calvin Klein and Burberry sound a little too Victoria Beckham for most, but spend your extra cash to smell like cash money biznass.
DON’T go more than three days without showering. We know that the “greasy grunge” or “natural body oil” look may seem desirable, but as soon as you get within five or six feet of someone, it’s like the Canola Oil Festival came into town. You can look, but do not touch.
DO remember that trimmed fingernails and flossed pearly-whites do not go unnoticed! That dirt under your fingernails makes it seem like you have been digging with your plastic toy shovel all morning, and that’s just not the way to attract people.
DON’T sit alone in a corner making hissing noises and glaring down potential friends with your red-colored contacts. We know that impersonating cats is fun—trust us, we really do know—but when you grow older, your cat, Mittens, just isn’t going to be enough.
DO flash a smile or finally introduce yourself to that person you pass in the hallway every day or the person you’ve “accidentally” bumped into. You never know what friends you will make if you finally just put yourself out there.
-Brittany File and Emma Fuzie
anonymous / October 24, 2012
“DO wear those samples that all girlie magazines have in them”
No. I would if I weren’t allergic to those types of perfumes (not that I’d wear the grandma perfume). Otherwise this was an entertaining article.