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Makeup reviews for the Un-Cosmeticized

Not that anyone around here can tell, but I love makeup. Honestly, on a Friday night, if I’m not busy watching “Full House,” I am most likely putting on my maquillage; taking about 300 selfies, all of which I then delete; and then washing my makeup off twice. Actually, I spend most of my income on drugstore makeup, or on those few treasured cosmetics by such luminaries as Dior or Benefit. Is it body-negative of me to feel cooler when I’m made up? Maybe. But the following are war paints that I’ve lived and occasionally loved:

Philosophy’s Hope in a Jar ($39, Ulta)
This foundation is legendary. It’s definitely expensive, but sooo worth it because it makes me look like a porcelain doll (insert heart eyes emoji here). It’s lightweight, which is nice, because I used to delude myself into thinking that my skin needed heavy coverage, which really just turned my face into a pizza. My skin looks nicer even after taking it off, y’all. (Its price is kind of a killjoy.) 8/10

Revlon Colorstay Ultimate Suede Lipstick ($8.50, drugstores)
A true winner is found in Revlon’s gorgeously cheap lip color. It’s super long-lasting, which is great if you like to eat French fries and/or smooch cute people. Its only drawback? Traditional lip shades only. Wah. 9/10

Yves Saint Laurent Volume Effet Faux Cils ($30, Sephora)
Sadly, this mascara is one big NOPE. Not only is it ridiculously expensive, but it also is best described as Vaseline blended with powdered charcoal. It is perhaps useful for your next Captain Jack Sparrow cosplay. 1/10

Maybelline Color Tattoo Cream Eyeshadow ($7, drugstores)
Do you, like me, enjoy having eyeshadow that will stay on your face for an entire day and also DOUBLES as EYELINER???? The answer is yes, so let me tell you about how steadfast this pot of joy is. The only downside is that it’s not as pigmented as Maybelline advertises, so you’ll definitely have to use primer and about three layers of the stuff. But, you know, subtlety can be cool, too. 7/10
-Elizabeth Harrison

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