Love Advice

Published Jan. 29, 2024

Come February 14, some of us are thriving while others are merely surviving. No matter where you fall in the world of romance, love is often simply bewildering. Fortunately, The Sandpiper’s resident Love Expert is here to help demystify its hazy depths.

Q: Should I still ask my boyfriend to be my valentine even though we’re already together?

Dear Cupid Lover,

Whether you’re in a new relationship and still testing the waters or have been together for a longer period of time, the romantic gesture of a valentine is always worthwhile. Express your infatuation or show your continued appreciation; take the opportunity to give your partner a token of your love. This expands beyond the romantic love in your life: Take every opportunity to celebrate the people in your life! And Valentine’s is an easy one, for no one turns down a box of chocolates. 

Q: A girl I don’t really know asked me to Winter Formal and keeps contacting me after I feel I’ve expressed disinterest. What should I do?

Dear Uninterested,

If you haven’t given her a clear “No,” now is the time to do so. A refusal may sometimes be lost in the face of delusion, or perhaps just a lack of awareness. But once you’ve made yourself clear, it’s time to break out the martial arts. No, not really. It’s her responsibility to respect your boundaries; you don’t owe her your time or friendship. If, still, she isn’t deterred, it’s time for a frank conversation with her. Worse comes to worst, be sure you have a trusted adult you can turn to. 

Q: What do I do when the girl I like refuses to go out with me because she “doesn’t share any common ground with me,” but doesn’t want to take the time to change that?

Dear Dejected,

She rejected you, and you need to respect that. She does not owe you her time or interest, and even though her lack of interest may be painful, it’s not her problem. At least you’re not being led on when she realistically may not have intended to pursue a relationship with you.

But would you really want to go out with someone who’s not interested in getting to know you anyway? Recognize your own worth; the best thing is likely to move on to someone who is willing to invest in you.

Q: How do I get over someone who I still see a lot?

Dear Heartbroken, 

Break-ups are difficult. No matter if you were simply infatuated with this person, in a talking-stage with them or in a committed relationship, seeing an ex-partner isn’t easy on your heart. Some believe in the ability to be friends with someone you once had a romantic relationship with, but I’ve never felt that way. If there’s no way to remove them from your life, I recommend limiting contact and taking some time for yourself or finding a new hobby; distracting yourself not only takes them off your mind, but gives you new skills and interests that ultimately make you an engaging person to be around. 

XOXO, the Love Expert

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