Published April 3, 2023
BY SARA EYJOLFSDOTTIR and SHAYLA DUTTA
We were thinking back to the good old days when plastic Easter eggs full of various holiday-branded candy appeared around our yard on this exciting spring holiday. Oh, what a wonderful time that was! Now, if we want to enjoy the candy we once took for granted, we have to purchase it instead. To the poor souls who have aged out of the Easter-egg hunt, do not fear: This Easter candy guide will help you choose your candy investments wisely.
Let’s be real: Whoppers were never any good to begin with. Putting a breathtakingly artificial, sickly sweet shell that’s simply atrocious to bite into only makes it worse. The outer coating looks deceptively enticing, so that when you encounter its sawdust texture and offensively distasteful flavor, it’s even more of a letdown. Opening a plastic Easter egg to find these inside is the epitome of disappointment.
Reese’s perfected the art of large-scale, commercialized chocolate peanut butter cups. Popping one into your mouth precedes a lovely balance of sweet flavors vaguely resembling their purported components. Unfortunately, this delicate chocolate-to-peanut butter ratio is thrown out of balance when reshaped into concerningly oblong eggs. Reese’s, there was no need.
If it were possible to have a single food item condensed in IV fluid and injected into a vein, this would be the one. This candy-coated goodness protecting the perfectly sweet chocolate will transport you back to better times when it was easier to find regular-sized Cadbury Eggs.
Despite our omnipotence, we are of two minds regarding this divisive sweet treat. To one, chick-shaped marshmallows are the quintessential Easter candy. To the other, Peeps are the sickly reminder of traumatic childhood stomach aches. Both of us agree, however, that these are to be enjoyed (or not) in strict moderation.
Lindt Chocolate Bunny
A delectable classic, this gilded chocolate delight is the perfect example of simple and sweet. The gold covering is not the only thing that feels luxurious about this sweet treat with it consisting of beautifully smooth
and rich chocolate that perfectly justifies ending the life of an innocent bunny. Keep calm and carrot on while eating this staple Easter treat.
Sweetarts Jelly Beans
The “tart” in these jelly beans is almost negligible, but its subtle addition is what allows one to consume more of these then they ever should. Unfortunately, once that point is reached, the sick feeling in your stomach is anything but negligible. These statements are in no way based upon our own overconsumption and deep regrets. Enjoy with caution.